What are your boundaries on listening to complainers?

We all know them. They always have some drama going on. Something to complain about. They like to bend our ear whenever we are near. To bounce their troubles off of. Because we are good listeners. They think that it will help them resolve their struggles.

The only problem with this is that you feel drained after interacting with them. You don't have your vitality anymore. You gave it all to them. You wanted to be a "good friend". You forgot to be a friend to yourself first.

You see, we can find ourselves caught in this vicious cycle of attempting to support those around us through what they believe is the best thing for them, but if we lose sight of who we are and what our own principles are in the world, we can end up feeling downtrodden and worn out. We end up with not enough energy to take care of ourselves.

There is a different way.

I am not going to call it "better", since there are trade-offs along the way that make it somewhat challenging for some of us to pull off. We might not be strong enough for it yet.

There is this tendency, particularly for INFJs, to do everything we can to maintain Harmony in the short term. Keeping the peace. Not allowing a disagreement to open up. Even if we are seething inside. Keep the disharmony hidden so it doesn't affect the interaction. Prevent an argument at all costs.

Even if it costs us our health. Or our very life.

The alternative to this may not feel good to us in the immediate interaction. In fact, it may be downright painful. But! The feeling we can get inside after this is over will be one of great relief. Not self-loathing.

It can feel like we actually stood up for ourselves. We cared about our own needs too. We listened to what our intuition was telling us. We trusted ourselves.

Certainly there might be a fear. Trembling. Did I just do what I think I did? Was it worth the "penalty" I will likely pay?

Before you go down that road of doubting yourself remember two things. Two key things.

1. Remember your old way of dealing with these things. They may not have seemed to carry an external penalty, but remember how you felt after you gave all your energy away to them. There was a tremendous internal penalty. You may have been exhausted. Depleted. You may have hated yourself for not speaking up. You may want to shrink. To hide. To die even. And this scene repeats over and over like Groundhog Day.

2. Realize that the old way allowed the status quo to continue. Know that you are anything but status-quo. Your values stem around growth and change and creating a better future. No wonder you felt so bad allowing it. Encouraging it.

The solution to this is to really give weight to the long-term Harmony.

What would it look like if that person grew into the better version of themselves because of your interaction? What if they became the healthiest, most mature, most respectable person you know because of one thing you said to them?

You know you have a sharp tongue when you allow yourself to use it. You know you have the perspective that can cut though any situation like a knife. You know that it can sting like a scorpion when utilized.

And you know that the poison is the medicine. The medicine to break the pattern that keeps people stuck. On their hamster wheel. You know that if they are just pushed off that wheel they will see a bigger vista. A brighter future. They will be stronger for it. They will pay it forward by making the world that much better. If even by their stronger presence.

You have the foresight to know that even one less person whining and one more person following their truth can change the world.

You know that one less person being a pushover and taking a stand for their needs can change YOUR world.

The question- is your desire for a better world worth taking a stand for? Is it worth risking your short-term security for?

Next time you encounter a situation of this nature, I implore you to weigh your options: short term Harmony for yourself, or long-term Harmony for a greater number of people. You choose.